As addicts, we have some tendencies that make life hard. We tend to be perfectionists. We tend to overdo and be over the top. Some of us try to please others and we’re always working to improve and get better.

How many times have you decided to make this Holiday Season the best ever?

How often do you set unrealistic expectations and find yourself disappointed with the results?

It’s O.K. to want to be a better you as long as you don’t set unrealistic expectations and set yourself up for failure.

Here’s a fun way to remember what’s important for you: choose 3 words that best describe your focus and intention and allow these words to remind you of what’s important for you this holidays. Words have power.  What I’ve learned from putting this ritual into practice is that Intention — even in the form of a single word — is unfathomably powerful.

So how do you go about picking a word?

1. Sit quietly with yourself, mediate and visualize yourself happy and relaxed this Holiday Season. Ask your Higher Power to help you see what to focus on.
2. Read the following list of Spiritual Principles associated with the 12 Steps and add your own principles, based on your recovery experience and working with the steps.

   Spiritual Principles:
   Surrender, Hope, Commitment, Honesty, Acceptance, Truth, Willingness, Humility, Amendment, Vigilance, Faith, Service, and Courage & Love.

3. Once you’ve inspired yourself by adding additional words to the list of principles, think if there are any other recovery-related words you want to add and add them.
4. Ask yourself: what do I want to focus on this Holiday Season so I can enjoy the celebration while making recovery first? Choose your top 3 words for the season.
5. Write your words and hang the list in different places and stay connected with the words every day. Ask yourself every morning when you wake up: how can I practice these words today?

A few days ago I posted on our “Breaking Free from Food Addiction” FB page a post describing this practice and I asked people to share their words. Here are few examples of what people shared:

Alex: Abstinence, Thanks, Wonderous

Karen: Abstinence, Peace, Serenity

Joyce: Abstinence, God’s, Grace

Elizabeth: Acceptance, Joyful, Gratitude

Sally: Sanity, Peace, Joy

Have fun, be creative and enjoy the process.

Share your words in the comments area and inspire others. Thank you for your service!

As food addicts, we tend to adopt different compulsive behaviors, one of them is overspending and too much shopping during the holidays. Not only do we spend a lot of money and clutter our house with items we don’t need, we risk out recovery by inviting insanity, madness and stress into our life.

Part of our addiction is to “get high” from excitement and high-energy activities. We create long shopping lists. We become obsessed with making a perfect holiday. We think mistakenly that what makes a successful celebration are the amount and type and gifts we’ll give to others.

You might think to yourself: “That’s not true! I love the gift exchange and it’s a tradition I want to keep”.

Think about the consequences. How do you feel the day after the party when all the guests are gone and you stay with an endless amount of decorations, gift wrap and depressing credit-card statements?

Traditions are important but they can be evaluated and changed. Showing love and appreciation to your loved one is an important practice but that can be done in many different ways.

The question you want to ask yourself is: “How can I refresh the traditions to helps me stay sane this holiday season?”

Here are some ideas. Take what you like and forget about the rest.

1. Pray.

Invite your Higher Power into the process. Include a specific prayer in your morning routine: “God, I help me make recovery more important than spending and shopping. Please direct my thinking.” Remember to take your Higher Power with you when you visit the stores.

2. Write.

Take some time to write and reflect on the following concept: What do we want to teach our children about giving? Do we really want to teach them that giving is all about buying? Do we want to teach them that what holds families together is spending money? What do we really want to model and to teach others? How can we model giving and service without spending too much?

3. Create.

Use your creative thinking and bring fun into the process. Think creatively about how to change traditions and make them more fun and sane. Make gifts, such as crafts or construction type gifts. Bake an abstinent dish and bring it as a gift.

4. Serve.

Give the gift of your service — wash cars, give a massage, babysit, clean a house, mow lawns, etc. Ask your family members to join you on a charity event instead of exchanging gifts.

5. Communicate.

Talk to your family members or send them an email and get them excited about your intention to spend less and create new traditions. Ask them what they think. Challenge them to get creative.

6. Accept.

You’re not trying to change the world. Your intention is to stay sane. Your family members might not like your ideas. Accept it. Don’t give away your power. If they like it – great! If not – at least you started a conversation and you can at least change how you spend your time (and money) during the holidays. They might not understand but you will lead by example.

7. Pause.

   Make sue you take extra time every day to give yourself the best gift you can: the gift of free time. Pause. Detach from the craziness. We all lack quiet, open, free time. Give yourself 10 minutes of doing nothing every day and sit – no matter how uncomfortable it is. Add this free time to your regular time of prayer and meditation and make it your “hitting the pause button to keep me sane this holiday season” time.

What is your favorite tip form this article? What are you willing to try?

When you are new to recovery, one of the first questions you will be asked is: “Do you have a sponsor?”  Kay Sheppard, in her book From the First Bite, defines a sponsor as “a trusted partner in recovery who will share their experience, strength and hope.”

A sponsor is a recovering food addict who is willing to be of service and help the newcomer. Sponsors don’t replace a therapist or a professional consultant, but rather they serve as the “go-to” person that stays connected with the people they work with.

Joining a program of recovery is a big step. Many of us have tried to do it alone and found out it doesn’t work. Working with a sponsor is essential to recovery, and when it comes to food addiction it is important to have a food sponsor and a step sponsor, or preferably one person who can take both roles.

Most people choose a sponsor in an informal way. They meet someone in a face-to-face or a phone meeting, or they find their sponsor through word of mouth.

When choosing a sponsor, it is important to interview different people until you find the one that fits your needs and style. My recommendation is to prepare a list of questions and to ask different people the same questions. After hearing the answers, pray and turn it over, asking for guidance on who is the best person for you to work with.

List your “non-negotiables”

Based on my experience sponsoring people and being sponsored for many years, I created my personal list of “non-negotiables” for choosing a sponsor:

• They should follow the same exact food plan as I do.
• They should be working the steps.
• They must be available and accessible.

What are your “non-negotiables”? They might be different than mine. Get clear and make a list.

Interviewing potential sponsors

Choose your favorite questions from the list below and use them to interview potential sponsors:

1. 1. What is your personal experience with food addiction and recovery?

You want a sponsor who has what you want and who lives their life in the solution rather than in the problem.

1. 1. How long are you in recovery and how long are you abstinent?

Choose a sponsor who has been abstinent longer than you have. The longer the recovery time the more experience, strength, and hope the person can share. Some people recommend working with a sponsor with at least one year of consistent recovery. Trust your intuition.  If your intuition tells you you’ve found the right person and they have less than a year of abstinence, make sure they have enough experience with recovery to be of service to you.

1. 1. How important is it to work the steps?

We know from our experience that people who try to follow the food plan without living a 12-step way of life do not experience long-term success. In order to recover, the food plan must be supported by a spiritual program. Having a conversation with your potential sponsor about spirituality and working the steps will help you evaluate if the person is “walking the talk”. There are different recommendations as to how long a sponsor has been working the steps before taking other people through the steps. My personal opinion is that a sponsor should be consistent with working the steps and be past step 4 when starting to work with others. It is definitely important that your sponsor has worked more steps than you have.

1. 1. What are your expectations and requirements in sponsoring?

A few days ago I had a conversation with a new sponsee and she shared that she feels like a burden and that she is bothering me when she calls to ask questions. I quickly reminded her that it is not only a request but it is a requirement that she call me when in doubt, especially when she is new to recovery. Asking your potential sponsor for their expectations is extremely important. Ask clarifying questions if you are not clear after discussing it with them.

1. 1. What is your availability for phone calls and meetings? (either face-to-face or virtual)

Communication is the most important aspect of relationships. Get clear about how often and in what ways you are going to communicate.

1. 1. What are your strengths as a sponsor?

This question will help you get a sense of the personality, gifts, and attributes of the person.

1. 1. What are your weaknesses as a sponsor?

Being honest is important in recovery, and you want to work with someone who is aware of their character defects and willing to share.

People have different personalities, backgrounds, stories, and needs. Interviewing a few people will help you find a good match.

If you are available to sponsor, please email us at kshepp825@aol.com and we will add your name to our list of potential sponsors.

Thank you for your service!